Im sitting here at my desk in my apartment and my mind is racing. Classes, family issues, friends, self issues, music and repeat. Sometimes I just want to go back to when I was a little girl and I didnt have to worry about anything except for the imaginary dinosaurs that chased after me and my friends as we walked home from school.
Being back for the second semester of my second year feels really odd. My first semester, I really started to figure myself out, stood up for myself, showed some people a side I hate to show... basically became more of who I wanted to be. I made great friends and got close to people even though I have been afraid to let my guard down for so long.
So far, I have been myself EVEN MORE and the people who I have gotten close to are sort of making me feel like I shouldn't be that way. I also notice that some of the people I have gotten close to are very manipulative. I don't know if it was just the time I spent around them, but if it continues I dont know if I will stay friends with them. No one deserves to get stepped all over, especially if they dont deserve it.
Maybe everything I am feeling is just the way I have been feeling. Oh well.
Since I have been back to Rowan:
I unpacked all of my stuff and managed to destroy my room.
Hung out with Antoine and Jeff for a little bit.
Went to Bens rehearsal for his Grad. Recital.
Hung out with Steve and played Wii, guitar, and watched funny You tube videos.
Spent a lot of money.
Hung out with Deb and Sara.
and more but i dont even remember.
Tomorrow I start classes and I don't know if im ready. I havent really looked at my Carmen score and I am scared that Stiebs is going to rip us all a new one. Time will tell.
I have to go back to debs now to get my cell phone. I forgot it there. OH and to say welcome back to the Gal. haha
Cya blog
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
AH!
There is no real point to this blog. Im not in a good mood for some reason and I am about to leave for NY. Hopefully my mood will change when I get to NY. The next time I write I will be happy and at school. I hope I will be happy anyway. Things are always complicated when I am around certain people at school.
Just got into a fight with my mom. I dont want to be here anymore. Screaming and all of the drama with my family is really getting on my god damn nerves. Im going to fuckin explode. Excuse my french.
Just got into a fight with my mom. I dont want to be here anymore. Screaming and all of the drama with my family is really getting on my god damn nerves. Im going to fuckin explode. Excuse my french.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Horrible Timing
I go back to school on Sunday and I don't know if im excited anymore. So much is going on right before I leave and its a little bit over-whelming. I finished working on Tuesday. It was a 7 hour shift but I went in late because I felt like it. I told them I was having car trouble which is sort of true. My gas light was on so I wouldn't have made it to work without getting gas. Other than getting to work a half hour later, things were normal. I said see ya later to my friends and went to pick up Danny (my little brother) from his group meeting. I brought him home, watched some american idol and than my mom broke me some bad news. My brother has been going through some things lately and she wanted to inform me about what was going on. I ended up breaking down. Im not going to go into detail about what is going on because really, its none of your business. I use this blog for my own personal documentation and so that some of my close friends can keep tabs on whats going on in my life. All of you are on a need to know basis and if I want to tell you... I will. Anyway, after my break down we finished watching American Idol and took Dan to the hospital. They admitted him and we didnt leave the hospital until 4:30 in the morning.
Yesterday, I did some food shopping for when I am at school, brought Danny some comfortable clothes and hung out with my mom. Today I got my back adjusted, visited Danny and looked for a baby shower gift.
Friday, Saturday, and a small amount of sunday morning, I am going to be in NY for one of my best friends baby shower. I must say that I am excited because I get to see my two best friends but the shower just came at a really bad time.
Sunday morning, I come home from NY, get all of my stuff together, move back into my apartment and go to Bens rehearsal for his graduate Recital.
Im very scatter brained lately and im a bit distracted so if anyone sees me, im sorry if im acting weird.
All in all.. I am happy to be alive.
This is just life.
Yesterday, I did some food shopping for when I am at school, brought Danny some comfortable clothes and hung out with my mom. Today I got my back adjusted, visited Danny and looked for a baby shower gift.
Friday, Saturday, and a small amount of sunday morning, I am going to be in NY for one of my best friends baby shower. I must say that I am excited because I get to see my two best friends but the shower just came at a really bad time.
Sunday morning, I come home from NY, get all of my stuff together, move back into my apartment and go to Bens rehearsal for his graduate Recital.
Im very scatter brained lately and im a bit distracted so if anyone sees me, im sorry if im acting weird.
All in all.. I am happy to be alive.
This is just life.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Sleep deprivation and frustration.
I am so tired because I keep getting woken up at insane hours of the morning. My dog feels the need to bark really really loud at nothing and the barking wakes me up. Ugh..
I have to go to work tomorrow at 12 but im going to wake up at 9 and try to go for a run. I havent gone running at all because its so freakin cold but im tired of making excuses for myself. Something in my life has to change if I want to get the things I want. I am tired of seeing other people happy and in relationships and awesome stuff like that and wondering why I cant have that. The reality of the situation is that I can have that I just have to change the way I look to fit the superficial needs of the guys of our time. Thank you to all of the young men of the world for making over weight girls feel like shit. :) Oh well.. It needs to happen for health reasons anyway... PLUS i do love the way I feel after working out and eating healthy, I just have to motivate myself. "Keep your eye on the prize Stephanie."
Today at work I got so upset with this woman that I work with. I know that she isnt the only person guilty of this but she made me want to blog about it. She was reading a news paper and the article was about this woman who was assaulted while she was sleeping on christmas. As she was reading the article aloud, she read that the assaulter was a man who was Mexican and outloud, she said "Yeah it figures that would happen. He is Mexican." I turned to her and I said that was really rude but I dont think she heard me. I am tired people being so closed minded and ignorant. Many of my friends and most of my family are racist and im happy that I can proudly say that I am not. I have never said the "N" word or conciously made any type of racial remark. I dont see the point in generalizing a group of people because I know that there are so many different kinds of people in the world, some of which are good and some of which are bad. The color of someones skin or the origin of their blood line does not decide what kind of person they are going to be.
Over the summer, I went on vacation with my family to Ocean City. (there are pictures and a blog about it somewhere on this site). Anywho... My grandma said something about Obama being a Muslim and that he is going to become president and blow the USA up. I got pissed at her because A. Not all muslims are suicide bombers because not all muslims take the quran and think that they have to kill themselves to please their god and B. Obama isnt a Muslim. She is stubborn as hell and wouldnt listen to my argument and just kept saying that Obama was going to blow up the USA and I didnt talk to her for the rest of the trip.
Please, If you are around me or just in general, do not use racial slurs or make racist comments because I will get upset with you. My friends make racist jokes and use racial slurs all the time and even though I am not the nationalities that they are making fun of, it still bothers me.
I have no idea if any of this made any sense because I am so tired but if it did I hope someone learned something.
Goodnight New Jersey. Goodnight.
I have to go to work tomorrow at 12 but im going to wake up at 9 and try to go for a run. I havent gone running at all because its so freakin cold but im tired of making excuses for myself. Something in my life has to change if I want to get the things I want. I am tired of seeing other people happy and in relationships and awesome stuff like that and wondering why I cant have that. The reality of the situation is that I can have that I just have to change the way I look to fit the superficial needs of the guys of our time. Thank you to all of the young men of the world for making over weight girls feel like shit. :) Oh well.. It needs to happen for health reasons anyway... PLUS i do love the way I feel after working out and eating healthy, I just have to motivate myself. "Keep your eye on the prize Stephanie."
Today at work I got so upset with this woman that I work with. I know that she isnt the only person guilty of this but she made me want to blog about it. She was reading a news paper and the article was about this woman who was assaulted while she was sleeping on christmas. As she was reading the article aloud, she read that the assaulter was a man who was Mexican and outloud, she said "Yeah it figures that would happen. He is Mexican." I turned to her and I said that was really rude but I dont think she heard me. I am tired people being so closed minded and ignorant. Many of my friends and most of my family are racist and im happy that I can proudly say that I am not. I have never said the "N" word or conciously made any type of racial remark. I dont see the point in generalizing a group of people because I know that there are so many different kinds of people in the world, some of which are good and some of which are bad. The color of someones skin or the origin of their blood line does not decide what kind of person they are going to be.
Over the summer, I went on vacation with my family to Ocean City. (there are pictures and a blog about it somewhere on this site). Anywho... My grandma said something about Obama being a Muslim and that he is going to become president and blow the USA up. I got pissed at her because A. Not all muslims are suicide bombers because not all muslims take the quran and think that they have to kill themselves to please their god and B. Obama isnt a Muslim. She is stubborn as hell and wouldnt listen to my argument and just kept saying that Obama was going to blow up the USA and I didnt talk to her for the rest of the trip.
Please, If you are around me or just in general, do not use racial slurs or make racist comments because I will get upset with you. My friends make racist jokes and use racial slurs all the time and even though I am not the nationalities that they are making fun of, it still bothers me.
I have no idea if any of this made any sense because I am so tired but if it did I hope someone learned something.
Goodnight New Jersey. Goodnight.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Psychic or Psycho
This post is going to be short but I just wanted to get something off my chest.
Have you ever honestly felt like someone could read your mind? I honestly feel like someone is reading my mind. I dont feel like writing anymore... I just wanted to document that so I remember this in the future.
The sister
Have you ever honestly felt like someone could read your mind? I honestly feel like someone is reading my mind. I dont feel like writing anymore... I just wanted to document that so I remember this in the future.
The sister
Monday, January 5, 2009
HAAAAAAAAAPPY NEW YEAR!
Happy New Year Blog!
I havent written in a while which seems to be a trend but I get tired of blogging and than I find the energy to.
As you might have noticed, its 2009 and life is pretty good.
My resolutions which I am going to keep:
Eat 1200 calories a day and work out regularly.
Be myself at all times.
These are the only improvements that I can think that I want to make right now.
I've been eating 1200 calories for about a week now and I feel so clean. THat might sound weird but its so true. I love eating natural and healthy food because not only are they good for you but I love the taste of them. Eating healthy food makes me happy because I dont have to feel guilty.
I have also started taking a multi-vitamin and since I started taking it, I have felt more awake and energized.
I cant wait to go back to school because I miss everyone so much. Obviously, I miss some more than others but all in all I miss my friends.
At my job I think this awkward kid likes me. He is always trying to talk to me and yesterday he was trying really really hard to get me to give him a hug. He said that certain nationalities give certain kinds of hugs. Him and this other kid were trying to guess what nationalities I am. It ended badly because one of the kids said that I was part whale and even though he might have been joking... he still said it. It didnt bother me as much as I thought it would because I am making a change and I think the kid is slow anyway. whatever.
I all of a sudden dont feel like writing anymore. Good night.
<3
I havent written in a while which seems to be a trend but I get tired of blogging and than I find the energy to.
As you might have noticed, its 2009 and life is pretty good.
My resolutions which I am going to keep:
Eat 1200 calories a day and work out regularly.
Be myself at all times.
These are the only improvements that I can think that I want to make right now.
I've been eating 1200 calories for about a week now and I feel so clean. THat might sound weird but its so true. I love eating natural and healthy food because not only are they good for you but I love the taste of them. Eating healthy food makes me happy because I dont have to feel guilty.
I have also started taking a multi-vitamin and since I started taking it, I have felt more awake and energized.
I cant wait to go back to school because I miss everyone so much. Obviously, I miss some more than others but all in all I miss my friends.
At my job I think this awkward kid likes me. He is always trying to talk to me and yesterday he was trying really really hard to get me to give him a hug. He said that certain nationalities give certain kinds of hugs. Him and this other kid were trying to guess what nationalities I am. It ended badly because one of the kids said that I was part whale and even though he might have been joking... he still said it. It didnt bother me as much as I thought it would because I am making a change and I think the kid is slow anyway. whatever.
I all of a sudden dont feel like writing anymore. Good night.
<3
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tired
Yeah ... I couldn't think of a good title for this blog so I named it tired.
Today I worked for seven hours and went to this kid Cody's house for his birthday. It was him me Joey Liz and Colin and we made cookies and icing from scratch. It was fun. I ended up with a whole butt load of icing on my face because they thought it would be fun to have an icing war.
If you are reading my blog, please post a comment. I know there are people out there who are reading this and I would like to know who my "audience" is. I dont care if I dont like you or if you think its creepy that your reading my blog without me actually directly telling you about it. Whatever.. you know about it.... I hope youre enjoying hearing about my adventures.
Last of the day is this. I dont know why I cant get you out of my head. I havent talked to you in a while... probably like 8 months but all of a sudden you are just hanging out in my mind. I hung out with you a lot last year and than you really got on my nerves so I stopped talking to you but you were never rude with me. You were always really kind and understanding. You never quite understood why I stopped talking to you but you always said... when you come around I will be here. You trusted me so quickly... I think that might have scared me a bit. That along with me feeling like I was your only friend. You always called me to hang out... ....... If you liked me, I would have felt more comfortable than if you were just calling me and texting me all day everyday. I miss hanging out with you. I saw someone today that kind of looked like you and they were wearing the same cologne. It was weird. I feel like I cant just start talking to you again because a. it would be weird to just come out of left field and b. I dont want to hurt you or myself again.
A bit lost.....
Sara
Today I worked for seven hours and went to this kid Cody's house for his birthday. It was him me Joey Liz and Colin and we made cookies and icing from scratch. It was fun. I ended up with a whole butt load of icing on my face because they thought it would be fun to have an icing war.
If you are reading my blog, please post a comment. I know there are people out there who are reading this and I would like to know who my "audience" is. I dont care if I dont like you or if you think its creepy that your reading my blog without me actually directly telling you about it. Whatever.. you know about it.... I hope youre enjoying hearing about my adventures.
Last of the day is this. I dont know why I cant get you out of my head. I havent talked to you in a while... probably like 8 months but all of a sudden you are just hanging out in my mind. I hung out with you a lot last year and than you really got on my nerves so I stopped talking to you but you were never rude with me. You were always really kind and understanding. You never quite understood why I stopped talking to you but you always said... when you come around I will be here. You trusted me so quickly... I think that might have scared me a bit. That along with me feeling like I was your only friend. You always called me to hang out... ....... If you liked me, I would have felt more comfortable than if you were just calling me and texting me all day everyday. I miss hanging out with you. I saw someone today that kind of looked like you and they were wearing the same cologne. It was weird. I feel like I cant just start talking to you again because a. it would be weird to just come out of left field and b. I dont want to hurt you or myself again.
A bit lost.....
Sara
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