oh

Oh and one more thing.

Ill keep you my dirty little secret.... Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.

Another song lyric that pertains to my life

Kate Nash= Stephanie

Why ya being a dickhead for.
stop being a dickhead
why ya being a dickhead for?
ya just fuckin up situations.

Why do Kate Nash's song lyrics apply so well to my life lately?

Yes. I feel like he liked me for about 35 milliseconds and now he doesnt like me anymore. It makes a lot of sense if this is true. He has had like a bunch of girlfriends and he seems to be distant toward me. He is talking to me differently. I think he just wanted to be able to say that he hooked up with a college girl. If thats the case.... he has a rude awakening coming.

Im just going to wait and see how he treats me. I tell him to call me because thats the only way he can contact me and he hasnt tried that. He says his phone is spazzing but im sure he has a house phone he can use.

Maybe its just my time of the month and im over-analyzing everything. Its very possible. but in the end. I really do feel like a nut job.

Time will tell.

Church is going to be interesting this year.

This is my mind. My life. This is me.

Im sitting here on my couch in my apartment and no one is home. Im sitting here just thinking about a million things but nothing in particular. Im working soon. 4:30.

I just got back yesterday from the camping trip and I had so much fun. We hiked for about five miles and I got to go underneath a waterfall. The waterfall was off of the path but it was so beautiful that I couldn't resist. The countryside was just breath taking. I would love to have a house out there just for small vacations. It is almost too secluded for me. There was no cell phone service where we were staying. You had to go 10 miles to the small town to get service. I dont know why i cant form complete thoughts on this blog anymore. Im shocked i'm still writing in it.

I talked to Scott today. I saw his show on Thursday after I had dinner with Rebecca and Amber. The show pleasantly surprised me. It was sooooo good and Scott was sooooo good. He recently sprained his ankle and so he used a cane during the show. I felt so bad for him and I just wanted to help him out someway but of course I couldn't.

I hate the internet sometimes because it is so hard to really understand what people are saying and how they are saying it. I talked to Scott earlier and sometimes when I talk to him I just get this weird feeling that he doesn't want to be talking to me at all. I feel like im making so many mistakes or saying really stupid things but they are coming from me. That is who I am. so I guess its a take it or leave it situation.

I read through a few of the blogs that I have written in the past and it is just so funny to see how i felt only a few months ago. I am constantly changing. everyday becoming more and more of the person I want to be. I am still very very unsure about where I am going to end up but right now, I am enjoying the ride.

School starts in a month and I really need to start learning my music. I think I have looked through one of my pieces twice this whole summer. I have about 9 songs that I need to learn before school starts. Shit.

Well,... that is my small update for now..

Until next time strangers.

because the world is round.

OK. the day after my last post i hung out with the boy. We went to the back of rowan hall. I have never been so comfortable with someone right away. Something still just feels off about it all though. I hope its nothing. Going camping next week. Getting a bed tomorrow. I am puppy sitting for a rambunctious puppy. She is always biting. Can not wait until school starts... sort of.
Life is weird. I start "dating" someone and like 4 or 5 people come out of the wood-work and tell me that they like me. What a strange world it is.

Thank you Kate Nash

These lyrics are how I am feeling as of late to a T.

You're chatting to me, like we connect
But I don't even know if we're still friends
It's so confusing,
Understanding you is making me not want to do

And think things like: 'I know I should do'
But I trip up and then I lose
I hate looking like a fool

I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss
I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss

The lights are on
And someone's home
I'm not sure if they're alone
There's someone else inside my head
Living there too fills me with dread

This paranoia is distressing
But I spend most of my night guessing
Are we not, are we together
Will this make our lives much better

I'm not in love
I just wanna be touched

I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss
I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss
Wops I think I've got too close
'Cause now he's telling me I'm girl that he likes most
Now I messed up it's not the first time
I'm not saying you're not on my mind
I hope that you don't think I'm unkind

I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss
I just want your kiss boy, kiss boy, kiss boy
I just want your kiss

Ogres have layers.... so does stephanie

LAYER ONE: On the Outside--

Full Name: Stephanie Rhiannon Krizek
Birthday:: June 8
Single or Taken?: Dating...
School: Rowan
Major: Vocal peformance
Eye Color: Hazel...most of the time green
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: gemini



LAYER TWO: On the Inside--

Your Fears: the elderly (certain ones), fish, bugs, needles
Goal(s): Make a career out of performing
Regrets: Not standing up for myself more often.
Relieve Stress: Drive around in silence, sit in my apartment with just candles as light listening to music, cleaning
Hardest thing ever dealt with: elementary school
What upsets you: liars, yelling, closed mindedness
Vent about something: Sams club can go f$(% its self. I hate that place so much and if I could find a job that paid as well I would take that job in a heart beat. People ....workers and customers alike... have sticks shoved in places where they shouldn't be and they should take the health allies card and get them removed because it is effecting peoples performance.
Your thoughts first waking up: Ugh....
Yesterday: was my day off. I almost got a tattoo with coco but I didnt have enough money so we got our toes done instead. After coco left to go home, I went to the mall with amber and got a dollar massage in the chair sent from god. Came back to my apartment and watched a movie
Today: Worked all day
Tomorrow: Working... again. Oh freakin joy
Your most missed memory: school time activities



LAYER FOUR: You’re picking--

Pepsi or Coke: ew.. soda sucks
McDonald's or Burger King: double ew.
Single or Group dates: they both can be nice in different ways
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Eh... lipton I guess
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: again... ew

LAYER FIVE: Do You--

Do Drugs: no sir
Have a crush: Yep
Think you've been in love: dont think so
Want to get married: eventually
Believe in yourself: most of the time

LAYER SIX: In the Past Month--

Drank alcohol: yes
Gone to the mall: yes
Eaten Sushi: no
Gone skating: no.
Dyed your hair: no.
Done something exciting: yeah

LAYER SEVEN: Have You Ever?--

Hid something from someone: yea
Stolen anything: when I was a lot younger. Now im just really scared and I would feel awful for doing it.

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Old--
Age you're hoping to be married: When I find the right person. Age doesnt matter
Age you're hoping to have children: see above
Want to travel to: everywhere



LAYER NINE: Perfect Mate--

Best Eye Color: I tend to gravitate to brown
Best Hair Color: see above
Short or Long Hair: Lately ive been more attracted to longer



LAYER TEN: What were you doing--

5 MINUTES AGO: This
1 HOUR AGO: Eating a salad and thinking
1 YEAR AGO: Hating my job because I worked for total creeps. Looks like much hasnt changed



LAYER ELEVEN: Finish the Sentence--

I Love: insane rain storms
I Feel: anxious
I Hate: sams club
I Hide: my problems
I Miss: the things I did during the semester and the people I saw.
I Need: to see certain people.

bippity boppity boo

Social norms and expectations are not for me.
I am a born American. I am allowed to be free.


Starting "dating" him today.... whatever dating means.

The ONLY problem that I have is that he is 17 and in hs.... and really I dont have a problem. It is other people who will have a problem. You know what other people? You can go fly a kite. You do not have to be affected by the decisions that I make in my life. Try living your own life for once instead of getting so caught up in other peoples. People are childish.

I almost got a tattoo today. Too much money. $100. Didnt take walk ins. Will go back when I have money.

Amen