down the same road one more again

It has been brought to my attention that my issues with holding things back are worse then I thought. Im pretty sure im a complete social retard so the fact that I have friends is sort of a shock to me. Im coming to terms with the other fact that im probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. I mean.. thats a pretty powerful statement but i really believe it. If I could just somehow verge my sober self with part of my drunk self I would be alright.. but i dont know how to do that.

I have a crush on a guy who im almost positive is gay. Im never going to finish school. Somehow I am managing to make my mom believe that im ok but in actuality im out of my mind. I guess im getting better at hiding it. Something has to give...

Men are confusing

I have a new crush ...but this is a legit one. I work with him and we are constantly flirting. I dont know if he is just a flirt or if he actually likes me. I work with him tomorrow and I cant wait to go to work. Thats scary... when I cant wait to get to work. I already invited him to come to the graffiti party on thursday but idk if he will come. Ill remind him about it tomorrow and possibly give him my number in case he gets lost or something.

Ill repost soon to update and see if he is a douche or if he is actually a nice guy.

News flash

I just re-read some of the entries that I wrote at the end of last year and god damn was I a pansy lol... I did go through a lot of shit last year that fogged my brain but so far.. im all better. Yes I have my moments which I never let out but I have come to the conclusion that they are just moments.. they will pass.

I have to hurry up and write because I have spinning in a few minutes.

I am totally different from what I used to be. I am a lot more outgoing and I want to experience everything good bad and inbetween. This fact scares the ever-loving shit out of me. The bad could potentially ruin my life....the good could too. Its all a matter of how you look at it. Im having Dinner with Jeli tonight and im going to talk to her about it. She knows that if I say I need to talk about something that its something legit..I hope so anyway.

OH! we moved into the new house. I have my own room. we had two parties already this semester.. both on fridays and I already have a crush for the time being. I dont know why I do these things to myself. He MAY be gay which would be really funny on my part. I kind of screwed myself over with him this first time I met him but I just want to get to know him and see what kind of life he has lead. I just love getting to know people and hearing about their experiences. He seems like he has a lot of baggage. I love baggage though.

Time will tell.. Just go with the flow and roll with the punches. The things that you need will come to you and if they dont well...then I guess youre fucked haha. Nah. youll just learn how to deal with the things you have.

Off to slim myself down at dee gym. PEACE

Golly Gosh

Wowzers.. I havent written in this thing in ages. Its really funny to look back on posts from just a few months ago and think about who I was during that time and how much I have grown in such a short amount of time. I am now 21 WOO! I went out on my birthday and it was fun but I havent done anything since then. I put myself on one of those stupid free dating sites and I started talking to this really amazing awesome guy. His name is Mike. We were texting for a while but all the while he was kind of a flake. He would take a while to get back to me or he wouldnt get back to me at all. Apparently he never got some of my texts so at the moment I am waiting for his response to a message I sent him on facebook. He seems waaaaay to perfect to pass up and just give up easily. Hes not the look I normally go for but everything else is pure perfection. omg. We shall see what happens with all of that butI just wanted to post on here to keep track of my life as I live it. Tata for now bloggy. Until next time!

This is my demon.

The Realization.

I really came to the conclusion today...set in stone.... that I truly care for the boy from the summer. The only time I feel anything at all is when I am around him and when i;m not around him I think about him and why he doesnt feel the same way about me. I want so badly to tell him how I feel about him but I dont want to make things awkward. If I knew for sure that I wouldnt see him again I would tell him how I feel. Im almost positive he is going to get accepted to Udel and so maybe the last day of choir ill tell him or during the summer ill text him or something. Its really bringing my mood down. Even if I didnt date him again...I just want to be a part of his life. I feel like I can understand him and I feel like he can be comfortable around me. I look forward to Thursdays and Sundays because I get to see him. Its so messed up. I feel crazy. I need some advice.

girl interrupted

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