Lots of anger in this blog.
I am so overwhelmed and I think i might just type this as the thoughts run through my head. fuck punctuation and grammer for this blog and fuck censorship
i am so overwhelmed I cant even take it. im going to rip my hair out. too much music. too much to do. not enough time. no wonder why musicians go crazy. carmen can blow me. frasquita is not a good part for me. memorize the quintet for next week. i need a break from life. i want to go to california or some sort of cabin in the woods. too much music. bens recital, concert choir, carmen, glitter and be gay, three french songs, two extra arias, sheperd on the rock which is 12 minutes long. no more. no more no more no more. i want to go home. now. ive been dreaming the past few nights which is unlike me. first dream; car with debbie and sara-car crash- concrete-camp; second dream; lead of a show- gerald feigen- polka dot stockings- silence; third dream; steve- eliptical- nebulizer- psychologist and i dont remember my dream that i had last night.
i finally spoke to the kid i like today. hes a bit awkward. i dont know him well at all. he came up behind me and put his head on my shoulder as if i was his best friend. i dont know what to think. whatever. i need to go to the gym.
i shouldnt even be doing this blog because i dont have time.
im going to drive myself to an early grave if I dont calm down.
i just drove a dull earing into a closed hole in my ear and it didnt hurt at all. i am beginning to wonder if i can feel anything anymore. maybe the hole wasnt as closed as i thought it was. my whole ear turned red and hot but there was no pain.
i remembered what my fourth dream was about. i was at allied health and science high school and i was a new student. i found my locker but when i went back later, i couldnt find it or remember what the combination was. i tried a new locker with random numbers and it opened and inside was a new pair of shoes. i took the shoes and rode on a plastic bubble chair 45 minutes home.
1 comment:
i feel you. i stumbled on this post two days ago and it's taken me this long to find the time to reply.
i shouldn't even be doing this now, i should be asleep.
lets start with some mood music:
Hopefully, I will actually have fun instead of faking fun like I did all day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vV7SjqwuHhI
To be completely honest, I could live without my friends.
independence. the ability to find solitude in loneliness is a handy one, but yes it also makes it easy for us to be content with our own company.
I hate that I am a hypocrite a lot of times.
I feel like I am not allowed to get annoyed with someone or be upset without making someone else angry. Other people are allowed to be upset or angry
with me but I can't be upset or angry with them.
you hold yourself to a high standard. i wish i had a good adjective to describe that trait, but i guess those words will have to do. righteous? iunno...
you feel it is considerate to be consistent, so when someone isn't it leaves an impression on you. or rather, when someone doesn't make an effort to be - you can forgive failure, it is only human.
I have a favorite song but its not really a song. Its a guy speaking, giving advice... to music in the background. It changed my life.
not the sunscreen song! D:
Guys always like me after im done liking them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFdbZHMBxfg
I am starting to stand up for myself more and it feels good.
pride is healthy, in moderation. a shamed life is no life at all.
I am always thinking.
keep that mind working, respect it, and it will pay you back in spades... whatever that expression means - maybe it's going to dig you up some buried treasure?
but! keep it open too. don't think yourself into a corner, and don't be so proud that you can't discard old useless thoguhts or change your mind. don't be afraid to question the things you are sure about.
Thinking about the moon, sun and all of the planets and how far away they really are from earth makes me dizzy.
add the rest of the universe in there, and what difference do any of our tiny lives make? what difference does the HUMAN RACE make?
I am not as oblivious or gullible as I make myself out to be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3WUN_lb8ig
"open your eyes / open your mind / proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself / break out instead / beat the machine that works in your head"
I think that I am going to be single for the rest of my life.
i think... we set ourselves apart.
sorry, i'm not sure this post is very coherent. tangents all over the place. but if i put it off any longer, it's never going to happen.
-Rowan Worth
Perth, Australia
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