Speak break.

Spring Break sucks. I dont want to be home for spring break but im very happy that I am not at school. I need a break from something. I need to do something with my life because i feel like my life means nothing. To people I can only hope that I mean something to them,,, but what if i die tomorrow. Can I lie on my death bed tomorrow happy knowing that I made my life a good one? That I achieved everything or most of the things that I wanted to achieve? Am I the person I want to be and am I working toward the goals that I really want to be working toward?

The answer right now is a big flat out No. I need to travel. i need to tell people how I really feel and not what I think they should hear. On few occasions I have done that and it felt incredible for about two seconds until that person flipped out because normally my thoughts toward people is something rude. I cant help that I am a horrible person inside my head. No one believes me. I want to go sky diving. I want to go white water rafting. I want to be at 150 lbs. I want to make a difference in the peace corps. I dont know if i want to perform. I want to get the hell out of these small ass towns. I dont want to look at other people and wonder if I am the same size as them. I want to take photos of things that are b-eautiful. I want to travel to places far away. I want to learn new languages. I dont want to have to think so much. I want my life to be like twilight. haha. I know that last one isnt going to happen but if life COULD be like that... I would trade everything to live like that.

I need change to happen is basically what im trying to get across.

I wish that i didnt have a full scholarship so that i didnt feel so tied to my school. I sure as hell know that its not the people that are keeping me there because i dont like probably 98.5% of the people there. People piss me off in general and I can't tolerate one person for too long which is part of the reason i am so quiet. I dont like to let people in too much so that I dont have to lose much when i push them away. Ive been having some major problems with pushing certain people out of my life. They are making me abso-freakin-lutely nuts.

All I want to say to some people is put down the bag.