history.

Today I went to church and sat next to the boy from the summer. We laughed a lot and talked a lot during the service about random things and then I texted him while I was at work. I dont think I have ever felt like this about a person before. I want so badly for him to be in my life but i feel as though he is resisting. I know what kind of life he has gone through and what kind of person he is but he keeps resisting. I felt that was during the summer also. I dont think I have ever had to try this hard to have someone in my life. Maybe part of the reason I want him in my life so badly is because he doesnt want to be in mine. maybe that isnt the case at all. maybe he just doesnt know what to do or say. I have gotten a taste of the forbidden fruit and its driving me crazy.....still. I had a dream about him the other day but i dont quite remember what happened in the dream I just know that when i woke up i was sooooo upset that it wasnt real. For some reason, I felt so incredibly comfortable around him on so many levels but obviously i wasnt what he was looking for. I have to keep telling myself that there are other better people out there but...i have yet to find them. I like people who are broken. and he is very very broken. thats my crazed rambling for the moment.

I feel like a stalker or freak or something... ugh