Im quitting my addiction. Its hurting me a lot more then it is helping me and even though quitting it will hurt me as well... it needs to happen. I can't live like this anymore. Im trapped.
I hate that I can never like someone without feeling like I have to walk on egg shells. Right now I like someone that I feel very comfortable with but I have to censor myself because one of my other friends likes them. When the fuck did i become such a passive and nice person? What happens if the person I like doesn't actually like the other person? I could just be wasting my time being nice instead of going for it.... I dont even know if they like me in that way. Probably not. but oh well. I just want to lock myself in a room for half a year with a limited supply of food and something to keep me occupied and just be. Maybe there will be a hamster wheel inside the room or a treadmill so i can work out. That would be nice. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I just want time to stop so i can rewind it... go back to two summers ago and continue the lifestyle that I had then. I would be so much happier. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I cant express my anger toward myself..
Im gonna go ahead and say it. I fucking hate myself.
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