Where am I going?

I dont know where I am going with my life. Everyday when I look at myself in the mirror I hate who I see. I constantly make decisions that I soon after regret and I break promises to myself that eventually make me sink further and further into my depression. I need to start doing things that I love and know will make me happy. I need to start breaking my cycle of comfort. I know that after I go to the gym I feel amazing and im really happy with myself. Why am I not allowing myself to feel that kind of happiness? Why do I feel the need to torture myself everyday? Maybe I am a glutton for pain. This isnt the first time I have thought this about myself. Its a bit sad. I am driving myself crazy.